Monday, December 16, 2013

Veni, Vidi, Didici - The Final Stretch, and How I Plan to Spend Blessed Release

   It is true that hindsight is 20/20, but in this case my foresight was equally as good. Back when this semester started, I made a few assumptions about the upcoming academic quarter, and I am glad to say that nearly all of them were correct. Here are a few.

Self Musings of the Gryphon upon the Fall-2013 Semester:
1: It is going to be a semester without a to keep things lively. (it was machine like, punctual and everything. Erika, you would have died) check 
2: Higher level courses should be fun (I know I'm a nerd). check
3: Without a pressure valve for my intellectual musings  mentally challenged mutterings, they were most likely going to come out explosively in class. They did. ( I have been called rascist, sexist, elitist, and even morbidly logical.HEY! Stop laughing! It's true!) check
4: Being there after three semesters, my reputation would begin to proceed me. It did. (twice, I was met with the phrase, "hello my name is Jordan Reed." "OH! You're Jordan!" from professors. I aim to be memorable.) check
5: I would blog. check 
6: Something unexpected would happen. (hmmmm.....heart attack, buying a dog, and two great book series rip my hopes out and crush them, yup I would think that this counts.) MEGA CHECK
7: I was going to have trouble when someone mentioned x-mas! (yes, one of my profs wrote "xmas" on the board, and after the class I went up and wrote merry Christmas under it.)

Anywho, I have been planning what I wanted to write about for my next blog posts, and I have I decided to try something a tad bit more ambitious for an amateur historian. I want to do a series of posts on the four kings of the Reformation, Henry VIII of House Tudor, Francis I of House Valois, Charles V of House Hapsburg, and Suleiman the Magnificent of the Ottoman Empire. Hopefully, I will complete these in a somewhat systematic fashion, and they will be of higher quality than what you all are used to seeing from me, but no promises.

Let's see now what else?
ahh yes!
For the purposes of enjoying your holiday season to the fullest extent, I have compiled a College Hobos Guide to Christmas Vacation. Before we dive into it though there a few guidelines one must remember in order to implement this plan effectively.
1. NEVER say you're bored!!!!!!!! Remember parents can smell lethargy. If you give "I'm bored" as a response to anything, it will mean the end of everything we are building here. The parent can always think of something else for you to do, and a parental task will take you farther than you want to go and keep you longer than you want to stay. Remember, being bored is a privilege that thousands of generation of our ancestors would've killed for. Embrace the boredom!!! (p.s: Make sure to complete chores and responsibilities, but consider being bored as an act of fun in itself.)
2. Turn guiltometer to "0". I have noticed that at times I guilt trip myself over having fun....don't....just don't. The key to overcoming this annoying habit is to view having fun as a serious business. I have prepared the whole year, studying and working, and it all comes down to this moment. I need to draw as much fun as I can out of this experience. (P.S: This isn't to say fun should be forced. Sleeping and lounging can be fun.)
3: Embrace your inner geek. Computers are the culmination of thousands of years of technological development. Don't let things like being ridiculed as a computer geek keep you from utilizing their beauteous opportunities. (p.s: Human interaction should be used to supplement technological enjoyment.)

Step one: food coma- This is required for Christmas. You starve yourself in the upcoming weeks just to prepare for the one day when you get to taste the angelically delicious delicacies brought down via venerable traditional recipes.
Step two: enjoy gifts- I maintain that the amount of fun gotten from a gift comes from the person receiving the gift. For this reason, there is never a reason why gifts can't be enjoyed, no matter what they are. This step will usually take up most of Christmas Vacation if done right, but I realize that this is an advanced skill.
Step three: Free to play games- Find a few. They are free and usually only require an internet connection.
Step four: READ- If you get a book on christmas, you are obligated to finish it within the week. Even if it takes you day and night, YOU MUST FINISH IT!
Step five: Enjoy the snow- YESSSSSSSSSS! We have snow for Christmas in WNY! ENJOY IT!
Step six: Blog- Well, this should come after the other steps, but sure why not?
Step seven: Look up every single Christmas song you can think of on youtube and play with family- I would suggest: Trans-siberian orchestra (a bit of a rocky take on Christmas favorites.), Feliz navidad, Angels we have heard on high, Chipmunks Christmas, A miser brothers Christmas, and basically every Christmas Carol that can't be misconstrued to point towards anything except the real reason for Christmas.
Step eight: sleep-nuff said
Step nine: sleep- if it's worth saying once.
Step ten: Board games- If all the family is present, a board game simply must come out at some point. Massive multiplayer computer games also count. Note: this is also true for friend get togethers.
step eleven: find a new tv show or movie and watch it a million times. May I suggest The Count of Monte Cristo, Thor 2, Ender's Game

That's that. Please let me know how you are planning on spending your Christmas vacation. You will probably want to comment relatively quickly, cuz after Christmas, I may not be on for a little (long) while.

Thursday, December 12, 2013

My Dragons

My sister was recently reading the book Eragon, and there was a picture of the dragon Sapphira on the cover. I was taken aback, truly astounded at what Paolini considered his dragon to look like. Then there is the different dragons shown in How to Train Your Dragon. Don't get me wrong I loved the movie, but I just can't accept a dragon that doesn't look cool. I come from a long line of fantasy. My earliest memories are sitting on my father's lap, watching him slay dragons on our antiqued Windows 94. For this reason, I have been collecting pictures of Dragons from across the internet to show what dragons should look like. (This is also partly because I am hoping they do Smaug correctly in the next hobbit movie. Fantasy is a serious business.)

BTW: This is a phoenix and a dragon and an apophis like snake creature. They are no doubt rushing at each other in order to hug.

A night wing. Particularly fashionable this year with the night owl who likes to party above the clouds with glowing swords.

Don't mind Chapman over here. This Black Dragon is really a softie at heart.

This is what Sapphira should look like.

It must be a drag blowing out your birthday candles.

If you look very closely, you can see bob's next meal on the outcropping in front of him.

I don't even want to know how uncomfortable riding that thing would be.

I like to think that he is saying "HHHHHEEEELLLLLOOOOOO!!!"

This big fella takes getting a tan a little too seriously.

This wyvern will heroically fly into the sunset.

Wednesday, December 4, 2013


It is official folks. Amazon has announced that starting in 2015, optimistically (pffffttt I am a realist, so it will more than likely be 2020 or something.), customers will be able to choose a "30 minute shipping policy", and your package will be delivered right to your front door by your friendly neighborhood.....drone?

Yup! Feel free to read that again folks.

The new Amazon Air Prime division of the global shipping company will be able to deliver certain packages right to your doorstop with remote controlled drones!

Caveat Ein: This announcement by Amazon has been met with with a lot skepticism so it may not even fly anyway. (get it, "fly"?) But, I would just like to say that if this does go through, I plan on putting a giant magnet on my property to bring the little buggers down, and then reprogram them to be part of my little drone army. (Plus, I would happily help myself to any little souvenirs they may be carrying.)

Great Idea: Numero Zwei In order to help streamline the government, I suggest we disband the intelligence service, and instead America could subcontract espionage with Amazon Drones. That way, the terrorists could get good service while we are scoping them out for a cruise missile to the cranium. (Hey, I am just being humanitarian. Terrorist scum should at least be able to order the latest video games.)

Question Drei: I hate just calling these little darlings amazon drones. What would you call them? Amarones? Dromazon? Your Friendly Neighborhood Delivery Drone? Amazon's Delivery Helicopter Dreadnoughts (ADHD for short)?