Sunday, May 11, 2014

Beginning few paragraphs of story.

  I was going to put more in my first post,but ,due to the limited amount of writing time available and the fact that if I wait much longer people will not even look at the blog anymore. I decided to post this small increment of it. Enter the beginning of Squire to Star(working tidal).  

 A warm breeze breathed in the late summer's morning. A small castle stood on a man made rise. Yet despite its size, there was a sense of grim pride in the old weathered fort. Its three towers were not much to look at,only seven feet in diameter and less than 20 feet high. Pieces of the wall's buttresses were starting to crumble. In short,it was not exactly London Palace or Antioch. Yet the pride of Guildford was well founded. It was located in Surry,not far from the border of West Sussex.

 Fighting between nobles had left its mark on the history of the place. And its stories go as far back as William the Conqueror. Thus this sense. But the young man standing near the stables did not share it.

William took a deep breath of the fresh English air,and let it out slowly. He was going to miss this place,he thought. He looked around at the old and slightly decaying walls. There was little activity on them now. Just a few sentries on duty. Not that there was allot of need for them. There was no large threat to the keep at the moment. And the guards were mostly a gesture. The majority of men at arms were not even at the castle.
A door squeaked behind him. He smiled slightly, that would be Hallard, he thought. He knew it would be. 


 Hallard came and stood next to him. He was solid built man with broad shoulders. Although Will was a hair taller than him.
 ''Will miss it lad''? He asked ,William nodded. He would miss it. A tingle of uncertainty working in his stomic. He had lived here all his life.
 He'd miss the sheer freedom of the forest,it's paths and the time he had spent with the forester and wood cutter. Leaving was not going to be easy. Rarely is, he thought.

  ''Your father is proud you know, that your doing this''. Hallard said,pulling William out of his line of thought. ''Hard to tell he said'', glancing meaningly at the keep where the lord of the castle lived. Hallard cocked his head at him. ''Now Will, he said a little sternly. ''Your fathers a good man, and just because you aren't on the best of terms right now dosent mean he is not glad you are stepping forward''. ''He wants whats best for you''.
   William nodded,''I know''... ''I just wish''... He shook the perhaps unjust thought off'. Whether his father was proud of him or not,he shouldn't be grudging.

  Now you must understand that William was the youngest of 4 brothers. Each of which had moved out and gone on to become knights.
 Harelld the eldest had gone to lord Udol's castle to the east to become a knight. He quickly worked his way to the top of his class. He always had a strong sense of honer and justice and after he was knighted, lord Udol decided to make him sheriff. Which was a honorable position.
 Alfred the second born was not as reserved as his brother. He became a knight when he went on a campaign with the baron he was apprentice to and brought great honer to his family.
And Mikel the third was just made a knight last year,at Castle Farham. And since the others were at-lest several years older ,he had become a bit of a loner.
  A door opened behind them. Sir John Kent And Lady Margret his wife emerged from the keep.
                 To be continued...

I really would appreciate any comments, spelling/grammar corrections and suggestions you may have.
                                                       Thank you.

1 comment:

  1. Alright! (This is what happens when you are divorced from blogger for finals weeks.)

    Let's see. I like the premise. You introduce us to the main character. We get a taste of the overall context. Solid developments, quite nice.

    I've already written you my entire take on the story. :) (so I won't go into that again)

    I would simply change some stylistic devices. If you were to add quotation marks around where people were talking, it would make it easier to understand. There are just a few spelling and grammar errors, nothing a spell check couldn't fix.

    ReplyDelete